oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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