We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
