Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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