My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.