He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
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Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
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Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.