Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"