The beer is more important than you right now.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?