my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
