true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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