dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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