How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
