that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
