Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
