the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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