I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
