i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
