YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
