jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
