I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
