But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Can I color on your dick again?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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