Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
