dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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