Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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