ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
