There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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