my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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