i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
