You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's shark week go big or go home
I think people are normalizing furries
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
