I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
