cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
