i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I touched a dick in church today
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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