piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
