i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
