My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
