Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
