I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
