Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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