Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
