No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
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I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
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I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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