hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize