Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
