I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
