This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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