i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
