My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
