My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Green mimosas i think yes
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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