and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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