I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
