Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
