9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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