I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
