i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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