i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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