she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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