So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
