bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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