I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
