Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
