I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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