you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
