Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
