I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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