I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
pop tarts are not kleenex
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
