I smell stomach acid.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What a dumb baby whore.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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