So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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